Sunday, October 28, 2007

The Story Of Mat Rempits


Mat Rempits were formerly malay retards and idiots. However they evolved into sub-intelligent primates somewhere in 1971 and they ride bicycles in the circus. In 1982 they stopped growing tails, they moved on to 70cc motorbikes because they no longer have tails that might get burnt accidentally by the exhaust pipe.

Although they were still retarded during that time(and still are..) they somehow managed to look and learn the hollywood stunt mans. Through their understanding of friction, they created a super-low-cost-and-fuel-efficient method of riding the motorbikes. The Mat Rempit is Malaysia's super-low-cost-pastime for Malay retards to show-off their biking skills on the traffic-ridden streets of Kuala Lumpur.

These kids are so desperate, they must do zig zag like a monkey, look backwards at full speed (very important tactic) and suddenly stop at roadside smoking, phone calling, etc. The crazier they drive, the sexier they look, it seems.

Mat Rempits also have been influenced by the western art and media culture, taking up terms such as Superman , Spiderman, Ironman, Cicakman and also Deadman. They start from young, when their dads give them their very first "kapcais" (100cc motorbikes).

However, they are also very patriotic too by waving Malaysian flags all around during Independence Day shouting "Merdeka!", and then ending up under a van.

They are also main contributers to Malaysia's Vision 2020 goal to have a 70 million population through mass rape of gullible Malay teenagers and their fellow Minah Rempits. Their role is absolutely crucial because the population growth of the Chinese and the Indians are grinding to a halt - both due to migration and improved family planning. The government hopes someday to populate the entire streets with crazy-ass Mat Rempits and show the entire world just how responsible Malaysian bikers are.

  • The Superman style was create by lying down horizontally on the bike and speeding at 150kmh. Guiness world of records were amazed when they tested the results and found out the this method actually increased the speed by 20% and giving them +2 bonus when evading police roadblocks. The Sailboat method was also a jaw-dropping skill where the rempit stands on the seat of the bike and control the bike via their feet. This method harness the wind's energy and thus lowers fuel consumption and saving enough money to buy drugs and cigarettes, giving them -25% fuel consumption, +10% money saving, +3 bonus when there is a strong wind. Another way is where the rempit does a willy where they will carry the front wheels and ride only on the back wheel. With less surface touching the ground, they manage to lower the friction, this is the most common method and can be found on the streets of Penang almost every midnight.
  • The Deadman method is usually found near traffic lights or under a lorry's wheel. Usually rempits will zig-zag in traffic and end up under a lorry or fly across a junction when the traffic light is red at the speeds of 120km/h and usually end up colliding with a solid object. This is another common method in rempiting especially among the newbies. However, there is one drawback. This skill is the ultimate skill where the user can only cast it once in their life. After casting it, no cards can be drawn and regrets are not accepted. Loser loses 40 lives and gains a +150% pain bonus and +3 bonus from instant death. If user has helmet, loser only loses 30 lives and gains only 120% pain bonus and +30% chance of succumbing into a coma.

  • The Spiderman method is where rempits ride the motorbike in pairs. The pillion rider stands at the back of the seat. The driver gains -20% fuel consumption because the pillion harnesses the energy from the wind. The pillion rider gets high and starts swinging his hand like a propeller and thus giving the motorbike a +50% speed boost for 8 seconds. During this time, there is a 20% chance that the pillion rider will fall off the bike and suffer broken bones. This is probably the best way to enjoy rempiting if you do not have driving license.


I just know that Mat Rempits can't rempit like this guy...

No comments: